Dollhouse: S1E04

21:02: I find it extremely disturbing we weren’t sure if this woman was having an orgasm or giving birth. It became clear she was giving birth, but.
21:03: Isn’t it easier to have a C-section than pay gobs of money for a super programmed Doll?
21:04: Sierra! Victor! Stilted conversation!
21:06: I find it difficult to believe they can operate under this uber privacy policy when at least Programming Guy needs to know what to imprint the Dolls with. Or do the computers decide that, too?
21:08: Do not ask a lady to step up on a table like that with those heels.
21:09: Aw that’s cute, it’s not a gift for the douchey rich boy, it’s a gift for the security guard.
21:10: Only maybe not really and not cute.
21:11: AHA. IT ALL COMES TOGETHER. I would almost say that means of getting past security was too complex except for the “hotel policy.”

Commercial break!

21:12: Ohoho, douchey white boy! We come full circle.
21:15: “Sweetie! You’re on Taffy Standard Time now.” I really want to be able to use “Jordan Standard Time” in everyday conversation.
21:18: “What else would we be taking out of here?” “The Parthenon.” “Isn’t that kind of big?” Oh boys, I just want to pat you on the head.
21:19: Actually I believe it’s Alaba- thank you, Agent Ballard.
21:22: Huh, he seemed like such a nice bald professor man. I wonder why he felt the need to stab someone and make a run for it.
21:23: Cue OH SHIT.

Commercial break! 90 seconds, go.

21:26: It’s scenes like these that make it extremely painful to watch the Dolls and what this whole process does to them.
21:30: Ugh, forceps.
21:31: Imprinting the same “mind” on two Dolls is sort of fascinating. Also: SIERRA.

Commercial break! Time for some dinner, if I can microwave fast enough.
- aaand I can’t.

21:33: Actually I’m not sure that’s what that piece is about.
21:34: Yes. Wear comfy shoes. Comfy, six-inch knee-high boot shoes.
21:35: I feel like I’ve seen that nosestud lab assistant girl before. What say you, IMDB?
21:39: NO SHIT that’s Liza Lapira! She was Yuki Amado on Dexter!
21:45: Is the loud ticking clock noise really necessary?
21:46: Given the apparent lack of emotional attachment to the Dolls, I wonder what the boss lady’s connection is to Echo that she would be “sorry.”

Commercial break: “He announced ‘This is a robbery,’ but the holdup ended there. How bank customers saved the day.” Slightly less exciting than the bullet-proof weave, but still intriguing. Well played local nightly news.

21:52: Why exactly did they not take that door before? If all it took to open it up was a gunshot I dare say they had the technology.
21:56: Topher’s acting makes me hurt a little, but I suppose he is not given the best material to work with. Really, good sir? “I’m scared. I’m scared like a little girl.”
21:57: The shower and the earlier Carrie reference make me wonder: What do they do about Dolls having periods? I feel like this would be a practical nightmare if it came up when they were wiped.

A satisfying but not outstanding episode, but still marked improvement from previous ones.

Dollhouse: S1E03

More Sierra this episode? Will it even remotely make up for the faux pop plot? We can dream!

21:03: How come the star is the only one wearing a bedazzled bathing suit?
21:04: Stop drop and roll people! Did they teach you nothing in elementary school? And silly Sierra, don’t you know you’re supposed to cool down before you get off the treadmill? People are missing all these essential life lessons!
21:06: Stalky neighbor is the best security system ever!
21:08: Where exactly did that weird panorama come from? Did he bring it along just to prove that people stalk a pop star?
21:13: Wouldn’t it be better if Echo was aware she had mad ninja skillz, even if she was unaware of her subconscious imperative to protect her pop star BFF?
21:14: Echo’s name is Jordan! And she is standing around in a flowery bra! Oh wait, she’s being fitted, that makes it a little more okay. Only not.
21:16: “Stop. STOP. WHO IS EATING A MINT?” Okay, I smiled a little at this – and the previous “scowly babies” line.
21:20: WHOAH WHAT? VICTOR? Is that how quick you can get picked up by the Dollhouse? Do they have magic little spy cameras everywhere?
21:21: Is that seriously the best cover they had for Sierra? Couldn’t they get her a fake assistant job or something? At least then they could have someone reasonably roaming around the catwalk while Young Alan Tudyk-ish man assembles a sniper rifle out of crutches.
21:26: Wait what? Was Victor already in the Dollhouse? Is he being programmed daily to be a skeezy Russian mobster? Is that asshole guy at the Dollhouse who wanted to get rid of Ballard responsible for this? Is Victor really attractive enough to be a doll? The questions!
21:27: AGENT BALLARD NO. I KNOW YOU HAVE NO LOVEHANDLES TO ABSORD THAT BULLET, IT’S ALL MUSCLE. ;_;
21:29: “My girl only comes into play in extreme scenarios.” Whuh oh.
21:32: You know I’m pretty sure there are ways to stop being a pop start besides getting shot. Just sayin’.
21:35: Oh no, Sierra is going to get shot, isn’t she?
21:36: Okay, Sierra is officially not shot! Carry on.
21:38: Sweetie, I don’t think anyone saw your jangly bikini and thought you weren’t a factory girl.
21:40: Come on Sierra! Ninja skillz, go!
21:43: Ninja skillz… go?….
21:46: Okay, seriously, couldn’t they have saved a ton of money and not deployed a SWAT team if they gave Sierra some goddamn ninja skillz?
21:48: Thank God, someone gave that girl a proper boot to the head.
21:54: What do you mean, “not just yet”? Also, Raina’s false eyelashes seem to be falling off.
21:56: The Attic? Oooooo.
21:58: How did Stalky Neighbor even find out Ballard was in the hospital? I sincerely doubt she’s on his emergency contact list. Unless he’s got a cat she needs to feed or somethig.
21:59: That little headshake was very strange. Does she remember Sierra? Does she remember those creepy suits? Does she just have an icky feeling? Also, WHAT WAS THE POINT of Sierra in that episode?

Not a spectacular episode, but two was good enough to make me want to hold out. Plus, I’ve been hearing rumors that Whedon’s voice emerges from the studio stranglehold around episode 6. Fingers crossed.

Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles, S2E16

No sleeping through Terminator tonight! Go go liveblog!

20:01: I am really not big on these Sarah monologues.
20:03: Distracting trespassers with jackals and then tasering them? Sneaky!
20:04: Actually I’m pretty sure you’d die if you couldn’t sleep for two or three years. Just sayin’.
20:05: Also, for a sleep clinic, they make some somewhat unproductive sleep arrangements. Read: roommates. Couldn’t Sarah spring for a facility where she wasn’t sharing with Smokey McPedophilepants?
20:06: Awww, Cameron cooks! She smiles! How I have missed her. She really is the best part of this show, can’t we have more? Don’t they know that would save the show?

20:13: Wait, Sarah used a cross-dresser and a hypnotherapist to find Iron & Metal? Did I miss that episode?
20:17: You know, I’m pretty sure having insomnia is not the same thing as sleeping and having nightmares. Not like I’m a scientist or anything, but neither is “They say if you die in your dreams you die in real life” Sarah Conner.
20:21: Taser burns, what?
20:31: Also I’m pretty sure every “stop insomnia!” advice I’ve heard ever has been against naps. Can you tell I’m sort of bored by this episode and can only comment on the faux sleep science?

Commercial Break: WATCHMEN PREVIEW. Best part of this episode.

20:55: Is it time for Dollhouse yet? Seriously, I have nothing to say about this episode, other than too much crazy Sarah, too little Cameron.
20:56: Ow, teeth. And ow, shot Terminator. But I’m also pretty sure they don’t go down with three bul- OH SHIT JOHN. WHERE THE HELL IS CAMERON? Also, watch this be a dream, and the kidnap scenario be reality.
20:58: Ugh, ugh, ugh, sudden preponderance of gore. Don’t you need that thumb Sarah?
20:59: AUGH WHAT THE HELL PEOPLE. This episode was so peaceful, with mere suggestions of people on fire, and now you pull out chest shots and snapped thumbs and needles to the eye within the same three minutes? Though that extremely close range headshot seems to have resulted in absolutely no bloodspatter. I don’t really get that.

That was weird and unsatisfying. I demand more Cameron, dead Riley, and less Sarah. Now, to Dollhouse!

What the hell kind of weave indeed

You know how I mentioned in last night’s Dollhouse liveblog, the teaser for the evening news mentioned a woman shot in the head who was saved by her hair?

It seems my prediction of this being a weave-related incident were spot on.

Seriously people, weaves stop bullets. I’m not sure if this is a major new selling point or a sign that weaves are way too hardcore to be acceptable beauty measures. How many Top Models’ scalps do these things have to pull out before we realize they are a bad plan?

On the other hand, I am very glad the woman is alright, and find I must thank her weave.

Dollhouse: S1E02

I accidentally slept through Terminator. Oh well, on to the Dollhouse liveblog!

The blogs tell me that if you didn’t like the first episode of Dollhouse, you should hold out for the second. I… was not a huge fan of the first, though the mythology was interesting, so I hope they’re right. I would really like this series to succeed.

21:02: Dollhouse raid? Dead guy? Haywire doll? Dead dolls? Well, at least they have a naked dude this time, and not just Eliza Dushku.
21:06: “A moderate risk to our active”? That is creepytastic.
21:07: And there is no way they were talking about white water rafting.
21:08: Something bad always happens when the nerd steps away from the computer.
21:09: And something bad always happens to the random extra whose face we get to know.
21:10: TAMOH PENIKETT. Okay, done.
21:12: I seem to recall something in the preview about Echo using the bow against a crazy Doll.
21:16: There’s no way this guy is the haywire Doll (surely the people who run the Dollhouse would know what he looked like), so is this just part of the fantasy he hired Echo for?

21:22: Our intrepid FBI man is set on Echo’s trail.
21:24: And there goes our extra. But really, a silencer? That far out in the woods?

I liked the Alec Baldwin Hulu ad more than this creepy Eliza Dushku tongue one.

21:27: Note to self: Do not default dolls with ninja skills.
21:28: Good God, poor Echo. And tomorrow she will just be like “My wrist hurts and my leg is cut but I don’t know why” then sort of meander off to do some yoga.
21:31: This would seem to be the real park ranger.
21:32: What an asshole, poisoning a canteen? That is just unsportsmanly.

Jesus, all these Watchmen ads. I want to see the midnight showing so bad, but that would involve sleeping at work. And possibly seeing it by myself.

21:34: This little trust trick is handy, and also explains how the Actives remember where they are and who the employees around them are after each wipe. Not in a scientific and believable way, but, you know, in a way.
21:37: I was just about to suggest Echo take a dive and float down the river, and there she goes!
21:39: Painfully transparent neighbor girl who quite possibly poisoned the lasagna!
21:41: OW.

21:44: What do you mean, “I don’t think he has one”? Was this some extra special Active who had a Rorschach face?
21:46: This is the time at which the company might rethink the auto ninja imprint policy. At least when they send Actives out in the field.
21:47: That would be the “don’t bring a bow and arrows to a gunfight” face.
21:48: Seriously guys, dramatic pauses get you shot. Unless both people take dramatic pauses and unless you’re the female protagonist, I guess.

Commercial break: “Bullets fly, a woman shot in the head… How she was saved BY HER HAIR.” Seriously, Evening News? What the hell kind of weave was this?

21:51: Echo, do us all a favor and just shoot the man.
21:52: This is where the slow-mo bullets come in I guess. Come on girl, couldn’t you have just shot him while his bow was lowered like a reasonable human being?
21:53: I am so glad she stabbed him instead of being saved by the timely appearance of her policeman friend.
21:54: Even if she does go give him a scared little girl hug afterwards.
21:56: You know, in case you thought this had nothing to do with Alpha, the show will spell it out for you.
21:58: That’s was a strangely cruel and disturbing exchange between a mean man and a child-minded and unfortunate woman.

So do they only have as many Actives as there are letters in the Greek alphabet? Is Sierra a Greek letter? I don’t know these things, I took Latin. (No, I did not catch on until “Alpha.”)

That said, I have to agree with the blogs: this episode is a vast improvement on the pilot episode. It showed a lot more of how the Dollhouse works and how the people within it interact. It also gave some cursory but promising insight into how the Actives themselves live, and the unique pitfalls of this particular new technology. Still not enough Agent Paul Ballard for my liking, but he’s got Echo’s number, so it won’t be long.

Still, what was up with that doting neighbor woman and her lasagna? I can’t help but want to link her with the earlier discussion of “eliminating” Ballard. POISONED LEFTOVERS. Watch your back, man.

Dollhouse: S1E01

Dollhouse season premiere liveblog, start!

21:02: I’m impressed we’re getting this kind of insight into Echo (Caroline’s) situation so early on. Not detailed insight, but, you know, insight.
21:03: “I know, actions have consequences.” “What if they didn’t?” Every teenage boy’s fantasy: go!
21:06: One does have to wonder about the people who hire Actives – in a way, they’re the ones putting on an act for someone who doesn’t know she is, too.
21:09: Wow, their mind wiping machine dings like an egg timer.
21:10: I watched this scene online. Cue stilted exposition.
21:12: OH NO not the adorable little girl!

Commercial Break: Thank goodness for limited commercials. Seriously, I thought I was going to cut somebody durning Terminator.

21:16: I do sort of wonder what the Actives’ lives are like between missions. It seems like they exist in a vacuum, in contrast with when they’re active Actives and have imaginary childhoods.
21:18: Was that a blonde-haired Asian woman? Also, why don’t they lock those doors? And lastly, I realize now there are scars all over that looks vaguely like Naomi Watts.
21:19: Pardon me a moment: SHIRTLESS TAHMOH PENIKETT.
21:22: Hey, is that Toa from American Gladiators?
21:23: “We’ll skip any ex-cop heroics if you don’t mind.” Like I said, stilted exposition.
21:25: “Fatherly types. Like Edward James Olmos.” I’m not sure what that nod was. Were they aware BSG would air right after Dollhouse when they filmed this?

21:38: I keep thinking I want to go to bed before BSG… and then I see Tahmoh Penikett and decide it’s worth staying up.
21:41: Hm, Echo seems to have spazzed out. Y’know, just in case you didn’t notice.

Commercial Break: If the reason for the Summer/Eliza doubleteam was not clear before, they now lay it out for you: You are a nerd, and they are your imaginary girlfriends, but only if you watch on Friday.

21:52: Doesn’t it seem smart to screen the personalities you put in these amalgams? You know, for stuff like suicide?
21:53: That man is super creepy.
21:56: Let’s have a shout out for Asians playing name rolls on TV. I think I’m going to like Sierra.
21:58: What the hell is going on here? Are those her parents? Who is the naked man on the coffee table? What? WHAT?

Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles, S2E14

Oh liveblog, how I’ve missed thee. But now that Terminator is on Fridays (and also in danger of cancellation), I can (and must!) stay up late enough to watch it when it actually airs. Woot.

19:57: If that half-second snippet we saw was any indication, Weaver kicks way more ass this half of the season. Everybody needs more melty robot action.
20:00: Summer Glau and Eliza Dushku pimping their back-to-back shows. I am once again reminded I am not the core audience for these two hours.

20:01: “Well, she’s not going anywhere.” Haha, that’s cute.
20:03: “Not John, HIM.” You know Ghostie Man, you can use proper nouns.
20:07: Why can’t John’s call be to drop Riley off at the hospital and run for it to never see her again? Wouldn’t we all appreciate that?
20:13: Hey kids, that was your “FYI THIS IS KYLE REESE” moment.
20:15: “She is, as they say, accustomed to her circumstance.” Well said sir.
20:17: I didn’t think anyone could make John look masculine, but this pouty-lipped Kyle Reese does it.

Commercial Break: I am so excited to see The International. Maybe I will spend my Valentine’s with Clive Owen.

20:24: John Henry is much too amusing for a killer robot.
20:26: Sorry Agent Ellison, your deep dark secrets are all over the interwebs. However, I agree with his concern: What if John Henry finds Wikipedia? The confusion! The misinformation! The lack of source citations!

Commercial Break: NEW WATCHMEN TRAILER. March 6 cannot come soon enough.

20:36: The Terminators meet!
20:38: For some reason that was a really excellent conversation. Props to the actors for their nuanced performance of socially inept and super scary machines.

Commercial Break: You can none of the show writers were involved in these promo spots, and that Summer and Eliza are just sort of Big Pretty Smiling their way through the canned dialogue. Also, can someone please explain to me how Cyclops is in the Wolverine movie?

20:46: Why do so many scary scenes in this show happen in the bathroom? We were all totally expecting the urinal to turn into Weaver again.
20:47: Oh shit, it’s on. But she’s going to ruin her dress!
20:48: Whoah nelly. But dress? Totally rui- OH. OH SHE MAKES IT. That is smart. And also explains why her designer clothes always fit so well. I wish I was made of killer liquid metal and could make my entire wardrobe.

20:55: Aw, he has an obviously Photoshopped picture of her! How… sweet?.. I don’t know, t hat scene was kind of weird.
20:56: Hey Reese, strategy should perhaps be to not threaten the doctor who just saved Sarah’s life.
20:57: I am getting the vibe that Felicia is going to shoot – yep, she did.
20:58: OH SHIT I forgot Derek doesn’t know he’s John’s uncle – or does he? I forget who knows. This season has been on pause for too long.
20:59: Well, good job Sarah, you got a battered woman to shoot the man victimizing her, and now all your dilly-dallying made you miss the big explosion.

Time for Dollhouse! Liveblog #2: go!

Obama and Lincoln in Cupcakes

The DC Portrait Gallery is right around the corner from where I work, so a coworker and I went down at 4pm to see cupcake artist Zilly et al construct a portrait of Obama and Lincoln in cupcakes. It was really amazing to see them build it, especially because that was the only opportunity to do so. The portrait will be on display from noon to 5pm on Saturday, and the cupcakes will be eaten 5-7pm.

Though Cupcakes Take the Cake reported there would be chocolate cupcakes, chocolate frosting, and possibly red velvet cupcakes (in addition to the basics of vanilla cupcakes and vanilla frosting), such was not the case. All cupcakes were vanilla, but the cupcakes making Obama were filled with chocolate cream, while the ones making Lincoln were filled with vanilla cream. I couldn’t tell what the filling was on the flag cupcakes, or on the blue star border around the edges. I would suspect chocolate or vanilla.

Pictures to come soon, once I figure out how to get them off my phone.

Bill Gates Releases Mosquitoes During Malaria Talk

Bill Gates releases mosquitoes into audience, from MSNBC.

“Bill Gates just released mosquitos into the audience at TED and said, ‘Not only poor people should experience this.’”

Mr. Gates, I admire your dedication to combating malaria, I really do. And I understand these particular mosquitoes you released into the audience at TED were not carrying malaria. But WTF, sir, WTF. The message you want is not “Not only poor people should experience this,” it is “NO ONE should experience this.” You are not advocating for the spread of malaria regardless of geographic region or economic status. You are advocating NO MALARIA FOR ANYBODY. So while releasing mosquitoes into a crowded room is impressive, from a shocking-stunt perspective, I think it runs kind of counter to your message and is ultimately a douchey thing to do. No, no one is going to get malaria from this mosquitoes. But you know what sucks, even if it does not suck nearly as much as malaria? Getting bit by a mosquito because some jerk wanted to make a point. Those things itch.

More Sweet Surprises

Aha! AHA. I knew high fructose corn syrup was evil, and now I don’t need to launch into an explanation of the U.S. corn subsidy or the unnecessary and excessive addition of HFCS to non-sweet food items. From this day forward, I can just say, in an alarmist evening news sort of way, HFCS has MERCURY. End of discussion.